Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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