so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
