My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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