I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
