I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We got so high we made milksteak
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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