Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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