yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
