Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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