i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
