shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
