note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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