when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
