Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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