He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
