We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
