I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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