I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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