I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
