There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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