so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
