I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
