whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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