Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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