Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
