Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize