my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
