i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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