Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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