and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
