my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
