like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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