Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have fence marks all over my body
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
