the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
