I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
