Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
