Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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