she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
