idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
