oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
