things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
