I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
