my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
