It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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