When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
