I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
