well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Green mimosas i think yes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
