I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
