Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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