if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
