Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
