I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
