yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
