I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
