We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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