Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
