I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
