He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
