You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
