we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
