Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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