That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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