i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
