I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
