where am i from again
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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