we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
