it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
