i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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