I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
