you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
