Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
