She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
