why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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