Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
