Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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