Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
