It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
