The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
