I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
