dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
