Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
