Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
