so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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