wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
