I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
