i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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