almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
