Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
