My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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